Yoghurt Weaving


Yoghurt weaving means engaging in a practice or belief concerning the use or manipulation of forces not understood by science. It is distinct from religion, in that a religion describes a whole system for understanding the Universe (which may or may not involve yoghurty beliefs) whereas a yoghurt weaving practice is like a tool to achieve a specific task, such as healing. There are, of course, many similarities between yoghurt weaving and religion, e.g:


 - faith often plays a part in peoples' beliefs
 - attempts by scientists to explain some of the goings-on are often refuted with claims that scientific thinking is irrelevant to the concept
 - people often spout complete gobshite when attempting to justify their beliefs

But yoghurt weaving usually tries to come up with explanations for things. Religions don't need to do this, they can just say it's all in the divine plan and leave it at that, but since most yoghurt weavers are "spiritual" rather than religious, (and because there are so many people like me) they need an explanation that sounds convincingly like scientific proof. Therefore, most of the different practitioners spout pseudo-science bullshit about resonances and vibration of energies, and hope that most people are convinced. Apparently it works most of the time!

There are many stories as to how the phrase "yoghurt weaving" came about. I first heard the term from people who were at the Newbury protest. This was a semi-permanent camp in the woods made up of people protesting about the authorities' plans to knock down said wood and build the Newbury Bypass through it (which they did, despite all the protesting).                      


There were, 'twas said, two main types of protester living on site. The larger group were made of mostly radical anarchist hippy types, typically vegan and "right-on", who were into doing loads of practical stuff - smashing up road-diggers, digging tunnels to hide in for the "last stand", signing on, making the tea etc. The much smaller group were composed of people who couldn't really be arsed with all of this, they instead spent their time giving the site reiki, doing magic spells to disperse the diggers, immanentising the eschaton (or at least giving it a kick up the arse).
Now from the point of view of the more practical protesters, these second group were engaged in useless tasks. "You might as well try and weave yoghurt", some wag put it, the meaning is that these are seen as pointless tasks that achieve nothing, just as really trying to weave yoghurt would be.                                       
Since then, any kind of energy healing, spirit work, channeling, chanting, meditating, living in tipis, sweatlodge ceremonies, etc etc (I could go on) have been loosely defined as yoghurt weaving, depending on how much of this stuff you believe in yourself. So if you think anyone vaguely defined as a "hippy" is a bit way out on the edge, you may include things like eating chick peas and using incense as part of being a yoghurt weaver; if you are like me and actually practice some energy healing and meditation (or whatever) your definition of what people are "yoghurty" will be more narrow).

So, do you believe in yoghurt weaving? Here's what I believe, here's what a truly think about it all. I have faith that humans have a spiritual component that lives on after death into another body. I have faith that this spiritual component of our minds can be trained to move around outside the body, even heal others. I am genuinely open minded that we will eventually discover many many abilities as human beings that are not thought possible now. I am hopeful that one day humanity will find a way to have peaceful societies and explore the rest of the Universe together.

I do not know any of this. All I really know is what I see and experience around me. I have had some experience of yoghurt weaving, and it was good, but it was not proof for me. I ask you, I beg you, yoghurty people to bring me proof of what you say. Let there, truly, be light!  For otherwise, how can you expect me to believe you are not mad, or inventing a story, or deluded yourself?

Will yoghurt weaving always be a niche activity, mocked by some and ignored by most? Or have they all got it right? Can you see a time in the near future where there is a show on TV called "I'm a yoghurt weaver, get me out of here?" Will schools one day teach reiki and Pleadiean Healing?

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