Lawn obsession

I am interested in plants. I like gardening and making things grow. I like looking at plants and thinking about their role in nature. The way each has its own unique role it has carved into its local ecosystem; they way some are highly specialised in their niches whereas others are very adaptable. I like the way each individual place has its own unique variety of flora that make their home there, depending upon the climate, animal life, local geology and soil conditions.

Gardeners have many reasons for organising their gardens the way they do. Some of the main outcomes people strive for when planning and maintaining their garden are making a beautiful landscape (e.g. roses), growing food (e.g. beans), medicine (e.g. aloe vera), attracting insects (various flowers); attracting birds (bushes and trees), creating shade (large trees) and so on and so on.

The wise gardener chooses plants that thrive in their local environment (according to the local conditions) that will meet some of the desired outcomes. For example, in a hot and wet environment, coconuts can grow well, and are used as both a food and medicine; but planting them somewhere cold is a waste of time. Similarly, sweet chestnuts grow better in cooler, northern climes but don't really enjoy the heat.

There is one type of plant that can adapt to almost all of the world's climates - grass. This is because there are many different varieties of it. Lots of them are adapted as food plants, such as wheat and rye. Some varieties are green and lush looking; these grow all over the wild in places where there is a lot of rain. In dry climates, browner, more brittle varieties prevail.

So when the wise gardener decides that they want to have some grassland as part of their garden, you would think they would choose these local varieties to put in their garden. Here in California, these might be Blue Oat Grass or Deer Grass. These are the kind of grasses that thrive in the local natural environment. Even with a tiny amount of rainfall and sweltering sun all year round, they thrive. But oh no. Instead of settling for a sustainable lawn that is in keeping with the local landscape and ecosystem, rather like this one:

They instead go for this kind of crap:

 

In a rainy country like England, this is the kind of lawn you get if you just leave the grass to do it's own thing, and cut it every now and then. Ideal. Not the case, however, in a dry country. Now, I don't want you to think that I'm judging people for their taste. If they think this kind of lawn looks attractive then that's fine. Personally, I do like the colour, but plenty of other plants can bring this kind of green and the shape and smell of these plants is particularly dull. 

But the fact is that maintaining a lawn that looks like this, in an environment where the grass would rather be brown and scraggy, is just stupid. It takes gallons of water per day, for a start. Also, green grass just doesn't meet any of the other usual outcomes that gardeners tend to want out of plants. You can't eat it, it's no good as medicine, it doesn't provide shade, it does very little to condition the soil, it doesn't really attract any wildlife and the vast majority of people who have these expertly manicured green lawns don't even go outside and sit on the bloody things!

Southern California imports a huge percentage of its water from the north of the State. About half of the water arriving through the tap in San Diego or Los Angeles has travelled more than 400 miles, over mountains, through a piped network that uses about 6.5% of the state's electricity output to maintain. Three quarters of the state's agriculture is grown in the dryest part of the state. This is madness. But even that's not so mad as lawns. At least growing crops is useful. You get food from it. What exactly do you get from your lush green lawn?

It's not just the water, either. Maintaining a perfect looking lawn requires the use of a whole host of power tools, as well as fertilizers and herbicides. For a start there's the sprinkler systems that are buried into the ground, only to start leaking a few years down the line; they are power hungry and gush out gallons of water. Also, they are frequently installed badly so as to create more waste. A variety of petrol-driven mowers, edge trimmers and leaf-blowers are used weekly on each lawn, by people who spend their lives driving round suburbia in large pick-up trucks going from lawn to lawn, constantly burning huge amounts of fuel and frightening off all the garden animals, to maintain this image of suburban pefection.

Why do they use those blowers? Why, why, why? Using leaf mulch is one of the easiest and most effective methods of maintaining soil quality in the garden. Just leave them where they land and they make the garden better. You stupid bastards, blowing them away from the garden then scooping them up into the landfill? Madness.

The obsession also leads to the use of huge amounts of herbicides, insecticides and fertilizers, which can poison many other plants as well as local animals, your dog and the next-door neighbour's cat. These chemicals kill off any beneficial micro-organisms in the soil, and in general fuck up the biodeversity massively, thus making the lawn owner absolutely reliant on these products they are using to feed the obsession. It's almost exactly like drug addiction.

What drives someone to become so obsessed? It starts with homeowner's pride in the look of the front garden, then develops into a compulsive desire to get every patch of the lawn looking perfect, no matter what the cost. Those affected are usually men in the 40s and 50s (and there are rehabilitation groups.) They'll be out there every 5 minutes, checking each blade of grass is the right shape and colour and starting to worry if they find bits that have fallen in "quality."

I'll just end by mentioning sports fields briefly. Some sports require grass - football, for example. Sports events are hugely important socially and economically and in terms of lawn obsession, well I'll turn a blind eye. The amount of benefit you get out of a large sports stadium greatly outweighs the problems from maintaining the lawn. However there is one notable exception to this which is, of course, golf. In the desert. You may be aware that golf courses require lawns that are obsessively manicured and watered.
Yes, I did say golf courses. In the FUCKING DESERT. Just LOOK AT IT!

Notice the intense difference between the course and the rest of the landscape? It's like another planet has been terrorformed.This is an obscene raping of the landscape, in a town called Palm Springs, which is a desert resort. OK, I'll bend a little. It's a resort. People wanna play their favorite game when they're on holiday. Whatever. Have a golf course in Palm Springs. Oh, more than one you say?

There are at least a dozen golf courses in Palm Springs. Who plays on them? Oh, just a small handful of rich bastards who run banks.


Totally fucking bonkers.