The world is going to end on october 16th 2011

I hope you are ready. Some people have been preparing for this event for months - building concrete shelters, contacting their loved ones, stocking up on food/cannabis/antipsychotic meds, but most importantly, posting videos about it on the internet.

For let it be known that, sooner or later, the apocalypse is upon us, for Nibiru - the 12th planet of the Solar System, will soon make it's cataclysmic approach close to Earth, where it passes by every 3600 years. Either this year or next year, by all accounts. And it will cause a major catastrophe. It may even strike the earth causing an extinction level event.



Apparently, Nibiru is a planet about 4 times the size of Earth, though the details vary depending upon who you listen to. Some people reckon it is actually a brown dwarf (significantly larger than Jupiter) and has it's own satellite planets. Others still reckon that one of these satellite planets will collide with the Earth. More recently people have started believing it is actually just a comet. More on this later.

Many people claim to have already observed Nibiru in the sky and have posted videos and star charts. However the real leaders in the field are the ones talking to the aliens.
Oh, didn't I mention that bit? Yes, Nibiru is populated by a race of aliens, with whom humans have shared information and resources on past flybys. Some people even think that humanity came from there in the first place. The coming of Nibiru will bring about this big old "consciousness shift" that everyone keeps talking about in the same breath as "Mayan end date"/"Age of Aquarius" (delete as appropriate). Of course the Mayans knew all about Nibiru too, as did the Egyptians and, ooh, half a dozen other ancient civilisations whose records and knowledge has mostly been lost. So we can't verify that they knew, we'll just have to rely on faith. Oh.

Some other aliens involved in all this are the Zetans, and they host live chat sessions online via a woman in Wisconsin called Nancy Leider. Clearly, these aliens are benevolent and compassionate and are happy to tell us all sorts of secrets about science, and the way our planet works. It was they who first warned us about the coming of Nibiru. Obviously. They are not related to the Zutons. Or the Mysterons.

So, is Nibiru a planet, or a star, or what? There was a theory in astronomy, until relatively recently that the Sun had an undetected companion star called Nemesis, that periodically passed through the Oort cloud causing a bombardment of comets heading towards earth, roughly every 26 million years. However it's since been shown to be bollocks. Anyway, this is where the idea came from that Nibiru is a brown dwarf rather than an actual planet, even though the orbit periods are a little out of sync. Conspiracy nuts getting mixed up between the different astronomical concepts.

The most recent idea about Nibiru is the link with a comet which was discovered by Leonid Elenin in december of last year. This comet has a long elliptical orbit of 3,600 years and is passing through the inner solar system as we speak, for the first time since the age of the Babylonians. Naturally, when this discovery was made, it answered the prayers of many Nibiru believers, who have leapt upon the images and videos of the comet produced by NASA over the last few months and used some ridiculous pseudoscience/consipracy theory to justify why NASA are completely wrong about it. Some believe that the object is Nibiru, others believe it is one of Nibiru's satellites. Apparently, others just believe any old bullshit they read on the internet without really thinking it through, though I don't have any evidence for that.

According to NASA this is a rather typical comet, being about three miles in diameter and composed mostly of ice, with no magnetic field or heat sources. At this distance, the comet will have about the same gravitational effect on the earth as, say, a car. It will make its closest pass to the Earth in the middle of October, when it will be around 0.23 AU away.  NASA are, even as I write, beginning a series of orbital telescope observations of the comet and are very excited by the opportunity to study it.

The theory goes that, far from being a comet, this object (whose working name is C/2010 X1) is actually a brown dwarf star with a mass thousands of times that of the earth. The fact that the object is not yet visible to the naked eye, and that resultant perturbations in the orbital fields of the inner planets have not been seen, is lightly brushed aside by the believers. Apparently the object was in alignments with the Earth and other planets at two key times recently that coincided with the earthquakes in Japan and New Zealand. At the time of the Japan event, the object was only 6AU distant from the Earth. The next planetary alignment involving the object will occur on september 26th; the closest the object will be to the Earth is 0.23AU which will occur on october 16th. Given the size of the Japan and NZ earthquakes, believers reckon that these dates will see massive devastation across the Earth and some (including these Zetans) predict a pole shift.

The theories and ideas surounding Nibiru, Elenin and related phenomena are extremely varied. However, one thing unites them all. That is that all reputable astronomers think it's a load of horseshit.
They've never found one shred of evidence for a large planet in the outer solar system; they don't think any planet could have an orbit like the one purported for Nibiru (which is supposed to lie in a plane at an acute angle to the main plane of the solar system) ; they've discounted the Nemesis theory (which was only based on flimsy geological data anyway) and they have proven that the object C/2010 X1 has no significant mass and behaves like a normal comet. Furthermore, the idea that any kind of heavenly body alignment can cause earthquakes was bogus from the start: they are caused by tectonic plate shifts, and nothing short of a major planetary collision will really make a difference. Not some little snowball that we can't even see without telescopes.

Gallifrey returns in Doctor Who - an inspiration for eschatologists?

When asked why these theories appear to contradict the message put out by the experts, believers all say the same thing. "It's a cover up, innit." Well, bugger me, I'd never have expected that! Something we can't explain, ooh, it must be covered up by the government, yes, that's always what happens, that way we don't need to prove anything. Yes, NASA are hiding the truth and putting out false data because they don't want panic to rise. (Well, perhaps the Illuminati are controlling NASA and it's them who are witholding the information. Just like that giant demigod that lives under the Arctic they've been hiding from us all). The authorities have known about this for years, being in communication themselves with these Zetans and have planned for their own survival (there are hilarious videos of some alien giving a press conference to world leaders) and there is nothing the likes of you and I can do except spread the word and stay safe. And post paranoid videos on the internet.

So there you have it readers. Major Earthquakes on September 26th and possible destruction of humanity on October 16th. All sounds a little apocalyptic, really, doesn't it? There's only 5 weeks to go. And here's me living in a major Earthquake zone. Still, enough time to get a few more blogs in....

Actually in all seriousness, if there really is a major earthquake on September 26th, maybe I'll start believing in some of this stuff. But Global Consciousness Shifts? Perhaps if this natural disaster wipes out all the TV stations in the world...More likely though, these dates will come and go, nothing significant will happen, and the Nibiru believers will say, "well, y'know, we were wrong about the comet, but Nibiru is definitely still out there and it's comin' next year..."!